Dexter Iowa Community Site

Consider this quote from Abe Lincoln

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."

     I had one of those strange weekends where I found myself not only completely unmotivated to accomplish anything, but also one where I spent a good deal of time sitting in a chair in the yard reading. The last few weeks I have been reading a book that talks about people whose lives were turned upside down and the steps they went through to rebuild their lives. It is like a self help meets inspirational true story kind of book although I think I probably got more out of the nap in the yard than I did the book.

     I had a conversation the other day about the chapters a life goes through. In that conversation I was asked what I felt were the most important things to remember when trying to rebuild a life after a traumatic event. We all go through them. Some kind of traumatic event visits our lives and like a tornado runs through making a complete mess of everything and leaving us standing on the foundation of our life’s house and trying to pick our belongings out of the nearby trees.

     I feel that we all get to that point at some time in our lives. Sometimes we see the warning signs coming, but more often than not we have no warning until it is too late. As someone who has woken up one day wondering what the heck happened to my “life house”, I’ve had to spend time working on rebuilding that house and I’ve learned a few valuable lessons along the way.

     First, you have to be honest. It starts with being honest with yourself and then with everyone around you. The most devastating feeling in the world is to realize that a friend has told you a truth about yourself that you didn’t want to hear. The phrase “Admit that you are broken” can be something that stops you in your tracks. Instead of being angry about hearing it, because let’s be perfectly frank you already knew that you were “broken” didn’t you, be honest enough with yourself to admit that you have work to do. Once you can come to that point, you need to then be honest with the people around you. Honest….not unkind. Honest in every word and thought and deed. It is only through your honesty that you can begin to start to rebuild and define the character of the person you are rebuilding.

     Secondly, although this is almost important enough that it should be a part of the first thing you need to do. Make sure you get right with God. Other than your Mom, God is the one person who will always be on your side. He has a plan for you and wants you to prosper. It is a small step to take, but understanding the grace that he gives each of us will sustain you through the times when you feel as though no one is in your corner.

     Third, you have to find things that interest you. If you have looked around and realized that most days you really don’t want to get out of bed, you either need to get professional help or pick up a hobby doing something you really enjoy doing. This isn’t always as easy as it seems, as there are things you loved in your former life that may not bring you the joy you remembered because of the feelings associated to them. But find something to do with your time. Try something completely new and unknown to you. You are starting over aren’t you? Why not use it as the opportunity to do something you always were afraid to do?

     Next you need to surround yourself with good people. I’m sure you will be a bit cautious about whom you choose, but don’t feel like it is a race. Take time to let people into your circle again and make sure you pay attention to which you let into your world. Are they the kind of people that enrich your life? Are they people that will support and nourish you as you rebuild? Look at how those people treat the other people around them before you let them in, and always remember to be the person you would want around you with them as well. In all the rebuilding that I have been doing that thought has been foremost in my mind- “Be the person to others that you want them to be towards you.”

     Finally, remember that rebuilding takes time. It is frustrating and discouraging sometimes, and comes with sadness and hard work, however the days that you can count as good ones really make all that suffering worth the effort. No one is saying that you have to live and let live, or even pretend that you were a victim. No, just remember that regardless of who you were and what you have done; YOU have the chance to build yourself again piece by piece. Stand strong, stand tall, remember to be still when you need to and always remember to be true to yourself. In the end you, and everyone around you will be much happier with the person in the mirror.

See you next week…Remember, we’re all in this together.