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Consider this quote from Abe Lincoln
"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Every great once in a while, I do my best to be a good guy and go out of my way to help out someone else. As has been the case a few times when the ex-wife and kids go on vacation and there is no one to watch the dog I’ve taken on the task of house/dog-sitting. Although it does add another fifteen minutes onto my commute every morning and afternoon I get to use up as much of their wi-fi as I can so I figure it’s a fair trade off. These are just a few of the lessons I’ve learned this week while house/dog-sitting in Adel.
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The dog likes to go outside for no reason. He is trained so that when he needs to go out he will walk to the back door, bark once and spin in circles until you get up from whatever you were doing and let him out. It is important to remember to put him on the chain so that he doesn’t run down the street because his little Pug sense is that he is the meanest baddest dog alive.
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I decided one evening to count the number of times he “needed out” in one evening and at the two hour mark it had been five times. Once to actually go to the bathroom and the rest of the time just to bark at random things in the yard. I decided that at some point he figured he would turn going out into a game which he played to see how many times he could actually get me to get up off of the couch.
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Why can’t all television remotes be universal? I don’t care if it is someone else’s house or the random hotel room but I’ve noticed that for some reason every television remote on the planet is different than the one I have at home. Usually by the time I figure out how to run it, I’m to tired to watch television.
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I’m not a city person at night. I’m used to country noises…a motorcycle with an excessively loud muffler going zipping by…the tree branches scrapping the shingles…the occasional raccoon fighting with a cat. I don’t care to hear neighbors coming home, random car doors being shut or a siren of any kind.
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I am sure that the kids’ neighbors think I am unsociable. The neighbor to the south has a deck with a pool on it that overlooks the windows of the family room in this house. I’m sure when this housing development was started they didn’t worry about set-backs and fire codes, but I’m sure when the half-naked neighbor and his kids are swimming they can watch television with me. I closed the blinds because I thought that felt creepy.
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When one person on the block mows, everyone has to mow, regardless of the fact that they just mowed their own lawns two days ago. They all hate me now.
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I have choice of a number of beds when I stay here. The girls have bunk beds, which means that they are safe from me sleeping there and Max’s room smells like feet so that is out too. Usually I stay in “grandma’s” room because she has her own little half bath right off of it, which for an old dude who gets up in the middle of the night is pure gold! What I hadn’t planned on was her new craftmatic adjustable bed. Always know where the control is, lest you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night with your feet tucked behind your ears.
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It is also fun to leave little notes around the house for the kids to find later. A small slip of paper with the words, “I’ve farted in this bed”, discretely placed under a pillow is hours of enjoyment! Unfortunately my children come from a long line of hoarders and obviously have the genetic predisposition to it, if the condition of their rooms is any indication.
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Light Blue cap milk is gross. Sorry but if I wanted to drink some watered down version of milk I would just dip a cow in a pool. Dark Blue cap people…aren’t you worried about osteoporosis?
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Finally I’ve learned there is no place like home…ever…. See you next week…remember, we’re all in this together.