Dexter Iowa Community Site

Consider this quote from Abe Lincoln

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."

If you live long enough you suddenly wake up one day and realize that over the years you’ve adjusted and grown through life’s changes without giving it much thought. One of the things that amazes me sometimes is how your friends change sometimes. It’s not that they grow a third arm, or suddenly become wealthy, but as we all kind of move on in our lives the small group of friends we have changes over and over again. It happens when our friends or ourselves go through life altering changes. Marriages, new jobs, divorce, moving to a new place all seem to tweak the people we consider our friends.

Sometimes we are very fortunate to keep one or two close friends for a very long time. I’ve got a few from my days in high school still, and even though I don’t see them nearly often enough, I still consider them my friends and look back on our time growing up as some of the most wonderful days of my life.

It’s interesting what jogs your memories of those friends. Maybe it’s a drive down a long forgotten lonely county road and all the times spent going down that road that makes you think back upon them. Perhaps it’s food, or music or a smell that makes you smile when you remember the good times you had with them. And sometimes, it is in those lonely nights, when you can’t really grasp the reality of your own life that you think of them and begin to wander through those memories that formed the basis of your friendship.

This week for me has been a strange intermingling of thoughts about friends. I get to travel around the state a little for work, and I ended up south of Creston last week, and stopped at the home place of an old friend. The old place hadn’t changed much, and it was though I could simply close my eyes and transport myself back in time to that place and I smiled as I drove away remembering a friend who I haven’t seen in a long time but who is never very far from my heart.

Friendships that end have also been on my mind lately. We’ve all done it. I’m no longer friends with the people I used to work with. It isn’t because of anything that happened, but I’m not there in that environment everyday and slowly the names and faces begin to fade from me. The end of friendships that way isn’t very painful, but comes with its own sadness. For those of you on Facebook, you know the importance of friends. How many do you have? Do you know them all? Facebook friends can multiply like bunnies if you aren’t careful. I know people who regularly “weed” their facebook friend lists when they start to get out of control. The end of those friendships is without hurt, without fanfare, and no one usually notices.

But there are times when you are faced with ending a friendship that you hold close. For whatever reason that friendship no longer feeds your soul, it becomes a battle. It no longer builds you up, but becomes something you fear, something that although you want more than anything, becomes less than what it should be and no longer becomes a positive influence in your life. I’m sure we’ve all had this kind of a friendship. One that burned so very strong when it was new, and real, and wonderful: the kind of friendship that you both agreed would never die and would beat all the odds. The kind of friendship that made you feel safe, that gave you life, that lead you to be a better person. It is especially hard when that kind of friendship dies, for there are no winners, there’s only pain. It’s a decision I’ve been struggling with for weeks now, and I’ve turned to scripture, and to my inner voice, and even to other friends to find the answer. Unfortunately for me, I don’t know what that answer is yet, but I’m afraid that regardless of the outcome it’s one that I’ll struggle with for a very long time.

Perhaps the most amazing friendship I’ve had over all the years is one that I’m celebrating this week. It’s a friendship that has spanned nearly fifteen years and eleven hundred miles. It’s seen the birth of children, the pain of separation, the joy of new jobs, and the simple bond of a voice on the phone or words in an email. My friend and I have never met face to face. Have never sat down and shared a corn dog at the Fair. In face we’ve never been in the same state as each other at any one time, not counting that crazy trip I once made within an hour of my friends house. No, that friendship, which most everyone else would call weird, or a fluke or even not really a friendship has been the most enriching, caring and steadfast friendship I’ve ever had. I know in my soul that when I call, the advice on the other end is given with serious thought and kindness, mixed in with a touch of tough love. When those emails come, usually twice or three times a week, it is the moments spent reading them that makes me feel as though there isn’t a thousand miles between us, and that they are sitting right next to me talking.

So in this special week for my friend, I wanted to say here, that I’m so very humbled to be able to call them my friend and I thank them for all the years of sticking by me through everything and never once looking down on me for it. I hope that I have done enough for them, that they can say the same about me. It is my sincere hope that this friendship lasts for another fifteen years, and I can’t wait for that day when we sitting on our porches across the street from one another and watch the years flow by. Happy Birthday J! You are indeed one in a million!

See you next week…remember, we’re all in this together.