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Consider this quote from Abe Lincoln
"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
As my second favorite time of year is now
upon us, as promised here are Weez’s secret tips to enhancing your experience
at the State Fair, suitable for cutting out and carrying around with you so you
won’t miss a minute of the fun. .
1. Your day at
the fair should start early. If you are sneaky and can carry a sack of feed or
a bale of hay, you just might be able to find your way into the fairgrounds at
5 a.m. ready to start the day off right.
2. Corn dogs are
not considered a meal, but can be used as a snack item or even a dessert after
consuming a pork chop on a stick.
3. You should
never attempt to take a box of crackers into the butter cow display. Trust me
on this one folks.
4. It is fun to
sign up your friends for things at the Very Interesting Building. But remember
making a rubber stamp with their name and address is going a little over the
top, although it will enable you to cause twice as much mischief.
5. The Midway is
called that because it is halfway between having enough money to eat lunch and
being broke enough to have to go home. Further more, he’s just a guy dressed as
a clown. You don’t really need to spend
all your money trying to dunk him.
6. If you are
wearing flip flops, don’t ride the sky glider.
7. The weather
will be hot. It's State Fair time folks. It's Iowa. It's August. It has been
the same for 150 years and not about to change now.
8. As you are
clutching your sweetheart in the Ye Old Mill, try not to think back to the last
time you were in the ride at age 15, with your grandma.
9. Sometimes the most interesting things happen where
you least expect them too. A great place
to spend some down time to rest your feet can be found during the contests at
Pioneer hall or even sneaking into the Livestock Pavilion to watch a cattle
show. Unless you are scared of cows in
which case you should stick close to the DNR exhibit hall.
10. Start your morning up the east hill and work
your way down towards the west through the day.
Your legs will thank me for this small but important tip.
11. If you do nothing else catch a ride on the
double Ferris wheel at dark, just in time to be up close and personal with the
fireworks.
12. You will
have the urge at some point to lie down and take a nap. You can do this just about anywhere, but I
wouldn’t recommend it in Pella Plaza. Usually you can find a nice comfy spot in
an empty pen in the hog barn.
13. Make sure
everyone in your group knows the meeting place.
The Pepsi clock and the Stockman’s are both good choices. Near the clean out stalls behind the cattle
barns are not. They are also not a good
place to take a nap (see above).
14. Bees like Root Beer, Livestock does its
business where it wants to (remember to look down and up when walking), and
there will undoubtedly be someone who should not wear a tube top wearing one. Try not to be grossed out by any of them.
15. Finally. Be courteous
to everyone you meet. They are all as hot and tired and stuffed full of pork
chops, funnel cakes, mini doughnuts and corn dogs; topped off with eight lemon
shake ups as you are.
Have fun at the Fair. See you next week...Remember, we're all in this together.