Dexter Iowa Community Site

Consider this quote from Abe Lincoln

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."

I’m big on public service and in that spirit it’s time for Weez’s annual Christmas letter writing tips. For so many years, I’ve had to suffer through poor Christmas letters, and in the hopes that you won’t make the same mistakes this year, I offer up these suggestions just to make that daunting task of writing a little easier.

1. First and foremost it is important to remember that we all know who you really are, so try not to make it sound as though you have some crazy turn of fortune over the last year, we would of read about it in the paper if you had actually hit the lotto.

2. Themed letters are fun but beware not to go overboard with your theme.

3. Pictures are great, but make sure that you are carefully selecting ones that show your family, and as much as you enjoyed that trip to Cancun, I really don’t need to see some pasty Iowa white guy in a Speedo.

4. Letters should always contain contact information, just in case we want to drop by your house unexpectedly to see what we have in your refrigerator.

5. A blatant plea to have people friend you on Facebook in your Christmas letter is improper.

6. Tell us about your immediate family. Unless they live with you, we probably don’t know who they are and could care less that your Great Aunt Rita has corns. The exception here is when you are talking about your kids riding in Grandpa’s new farm equipment.

7. New arrivals are always a great thing to discuss in your Christmas letter, although try to leave out the gory details of labor and childbirth. The reason behind this is two fold. First, some of your friends might have weak stomachs, and second I’ve had kidney stones so I’m not really going to be very sympathetic about your 39 hours of labor.

8. New purchases are great things to talk about. Cars, Farm Equipment, Homes..all great. Trusses, artificial anything’s and anything that would gross out your Grandma are not. The exception here, for the men who write, is talking about any new toilet that can flush three dozen golf balls at once.

9. Try to be nice and remember the people you work with are human beings, even if they are dumb human beings, try to describe where you work as a nice place.

10. Finally, have fun with your letter. For many of us it’s the only time we hear from you throughout the year, which really says something for how much stock you put in our friendship, but in the holiday season we’ll overlook it enough to forgive you.

See you next week…remember, we’re all in this together.