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Consider this quote from Abe Lincoln
"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Well now that we have that crazy food gorging holiday out of the way, now we need to get on to more important business including one little holiday that is about a baby born a handful of hundred years ago in a stable. Before you get yourself all wound up thinking that this will be another column filled with intense discussion about how far we have gotten from the true meaning of Christmas, you will be delightfully surprised to learn that I’ve taken a few moments to do a little research which may be helpful to you as you wander about looking for that perfect Christmas gift. So let’s get started shall we?
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Let’s be honest, no one really wants an ugly Christmas sweater. Why not just cut to the chase and go visit that crazy aunt with the strange mole and get the big wet kiss that makes you never want to kiss another human being.
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I’m a big fan of themed gifts. You have to think outside the box here and not just get a couple of DVD’s and some microwave popcorn and call that a movie night gift. Think farther. How about a bag of every candy bar that has the word “Nugget” somewhere on the label for that nephew who needs a little extra sugar rush? Or maybe an assortment of little boxes of cereal for that one friend who spends the night and eats all the good cereal instead of having Cheerios with you.
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Have a friend who has everything? I’m guessing they don’t have a can of SPAM!
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If you have elderly friends consider finding a three year calendar for them. It shows you have faith in their longevity.
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All nieces and nephews should receive either very loud gifts or ones with many tiny pieces that make cool noises in the vacuum cleaner. This is especially true if your sibling made you mad at some point growing up.
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Anyone who when asked what they desire to get for Christmas, who answers with “Nothing” shall receive nothing…it’s a rule, Google it.
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Men, when purchasing a gift for your significant other, ask yourself if it is practical. If the answer is “yes”, put it back and try again.
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It is acceptable to give people prank gifts based on bone head moves they have pulled throughout the year. A gas card for that person who ran out, or maybe an air chuck for someone who changes the air in their tires from summer air to winter air are always good ones.
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Do you have a football fanatic in the family that you really wish was more humble? Get them a Husker jersey, or perhaps a Vikings hat as either one will make them rethink their intelligence.
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Finally, if you want to be remembered as a great gift giver, find a gift that means something to the receiver. Just make sure it isn’t anything that is contagious.
See you next week. Remember…we’re all in this together.