Sometimes it just takes a good bout of the flu to bring you back around and remind you just how fortunate you are to be alive. I’m not one to get a flu shot. It usually makes me sicker than if I just get the flu, and to be honest, the last few trips to the doctor really didn’t do much to help improve my self esteem, no offense meant to my doctor of course. It’s just I am a guy…and well…we guys don’t go to the doctor.
We are tough! We hunt things down and kill them. We eat our meat rare..the more rare the better. Heck! I know of a fellow who is so tough he doesn’t even wait for the animal to be processed, would just walk right up to a cow and start chomping away! We build stuff…give us a pile of old scrap iron, some old 2x4’s and some electric fence wire and we can cobble together a space station if we have enough duct tape.
We aren’t afraid of spiders, or snakes, or creepy crawly stuff that grows in the fridge in that old cool whip tub that has sat clear in the back for…well, for as long as anyone can remember. And when we get a new fridge do we throw out that old cool whip tub? Heck NO! We pick that tub up with our bare hands and put it right in the back of the new fridge!
We blow things up because we can! We can spend months and months building the most detailed little model of something only to load that puppy up with more TNT than it took to build the Holland Tunnel and hold it majestically in our hand while lighting the fuse. Do we run away like sissy’s? No sir! We hold it in our hands and let it explode showering bits of shrapnel in our faces!
Yeah…tough…that’s right! We go out in the winter without coats or hats! Sometimes without shoes! And we haul water and stoke the furnace and we fix things that aren’t broken in sub zero weather just to show that we are tough manly men.
And we like to fight. We like football and boxing and seeing people get the snot beat out of them. We like to get in the middle of them, just to show how tough we are, and we’ll knock ourselves silly and pick fights with anyone bigger and younger just to prove how really tough we are!
That’s right…we men are tough as nails! No manicures or mud baths as some fancy mamby-pamby spa for us! No mam! We don’t wear corduroy or V-neck sweater vests! We don’t sip anything, and we’ve got no time for food that looks pretty! Just give us a beer and some jerky and we’ll last for weeks!
So there’s nothing really scary about a little case of the flu! It gives us tough men time to inspect the plumbing in our house! And while we are in there, we might even find a way to increase the wattage of those light bulbs above the vanity! Of course after all that toughness even we super tough men need to lay down and nap!
That’s it…a nap….on the couch…sleeping…whew…man it’s warm…maybe I need to check the float in the back of the toilet one last time…hmm…I am sure I remember having full use of my legs the last time I got up off the couch….HEY! can someone turn down the heat in here?....oh..I think I need to lay back down….
Back on the couch…there, that’s better….oh my…I never noticed that the house is like a giant disco ball…why is this room spinning…oh dear…I think I need to go to the bathroom again…not going to make it….. Gosh! I could use my Mommy!
See you next week…remember, we’re all in this together.